Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
