guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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