Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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