She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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