can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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