as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
