the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
