another moral hangover. fuck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
