why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
