I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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