I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
