i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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