I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
