i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
