Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
