brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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