I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
