watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
