I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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