I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
