which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
