I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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