whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
