I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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