life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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