My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
