I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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