I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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