It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
