ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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