My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
