i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
