whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
