I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
