So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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