bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
