BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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