It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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