I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
