Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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