By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
