Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
