so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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