how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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