I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
