Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
