4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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