How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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