Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
