Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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