New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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