I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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