didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My first STD was from a foam party
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
