who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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