i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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