Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
