I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
