it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
