I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
