More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
