It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Let's paint friendship bongs
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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