Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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