I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
