Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
