There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
