wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You are a genius and a whore.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
