smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
