I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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