And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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