why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
