I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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