dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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