I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
