hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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