so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
