just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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