dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The uberlube is also flammable
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
