I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
