So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
